My air purifier switches off promptly at 7 a.m. and as usual, my response is classically Pavlovian.

Once the white noise disappears, I am completely and absolutely awake, and to be honest, it is a kinder wakeup call than Pavlov’s bell. I am, however, immediately hungry. (Go figure!)

Precisely thity-two seconds later, a swelling pentatonal melody creeps into the room. It is HH’s phone alarm – an oriental tune played over the sound of a babbling brook, the melodic equivalent of Confucius in a bathtub.

HH gropes for his phone and grumbles. “I hate Mondays.”

“Poor baby,” I say. Here on the right side of the bed, I have the luxury of sleeping in if I so wish. HH has no such option on a Monday morning.

He swings his legs out of bed and stands up. “Oh well,” he declares with cheery optimism, “at least it’s another sunny, dry day!” He pulls the curtains open. It may as well be midnight, it is that black outside, the sunrise not due for another hour. And it’s wet. And windy. “Oh yeah,” HH says gloomily, “It’s not…” He shuts the curtains with a snap.

I chuckle from my place on the pillow. “Sorry, babe,” I say, and I mean it.

He reaches for his robe. “Well, don’t worry your pretty little head, hun,” he says, resuming his cheerful tone, “at least I can reflect on Denver’s victory yesterday…”

DENVER, CO – DECEMBER 13: Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler (17) gets sacked by Oakland Raiders defensive end Khalil Mack (52) with help from Oakland Raiders defensive end Benson Mayowa (95) during the fourth quarter December 13, 2015 at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium. (Photo By Eric Lutzens/The Denver Post)

I roll my eyes, remembering well the frustration of yesterday’s loss to Oakland*, a game that should have been easily won. (I swear – if Ossweiler threw one more five yard pass, I was going to scream!)

“Oh yeah,” says HH, “we lost.” He begins a leaden plod down the stairs.

“And to Oakland,” I add  helpfully.

He sighs heavily. “Right. Oakland. Add that to the list of reasons I hate Mondays.”

I could remind him that I have a day out planned with our Darling Daughter, spa pedicures and a sushi lunch followed by a spot of shopping… But no. That would just be cruel.

I could get up and make him eggs for breakfast. But suddenly I’m feeling unaccountably sleepy…

Mother Hen

© motherhendiaries 2015, all rights reserved.

*We hate the Raiders, Chargers and Seahawks equally.  Having said that, all these teams pale in comparison to the rancour we feel for our arch-nemesis, the New England Patriots. Yeah, it has something to do with pretty boy Brady and flat footballs, but even more to do with a certain offensive coordinator and former head coach of the Broncos. In the space of a few short years, Josh McDaniels all but destroyed our club, and it’s taken years for Elway to wash the bad taste from our mouths. By the time McDaniels went back on the Patriots payroll, we were left wondering if he had ever been off it.

• feature photo: Shutterstock
• confucius meme: my own creation on memegenerator.com
• denver v. oakland: denverpost.com