THE TEN LAWS OF THE SMILEY
1. Thou shalt forgive all words directly preceding my sunshiny face: I am the Smiley.
2. No matter how awkward a sentiment or how many spell-check errors, thou shalt accept and understand it if I am present.
3. I am best typed thus: Colon, dash, right parenthesis. Never forget my nose. I mean, how long does it take to type a dash? Absence of my nose constitutes profaning the face of the Smiley. However, I am fine with wearing sunglasses, winking, frowning or any other variety of my image. I just have this thing about my nose is all. You may not see it once I am rendered into a sunny yellow cartoon, but it’s there. Oh yes, it is there.
4. The Smiley is a big believer in good dental hygeine. Even at my age, I am still super cute and have all my teeth. If you want to me to prove it, just type colon, dash, capital D.
5. My overuse is strictly forbidden. There is such thing as Too Much Smiley. Consider me seasoning, not the main course.
6. Thou shalt never type me if thou art unwilling to imitate me; the Smiley always wears a smile and so should you.
7. Though forgiveness in principle is guaranteed by my presence in any text, thou must know that if thou art vitriolic, cruel, unkind, abrasive, selfish, tactless or otherwise displaying undesirable traits, nobody is going to like thee, no matter how generously thou useth me.
8. The Smiley may occasionally be replaced by a love heart, typed thus: Left arrow, 3. Thou wouldst be wise to never overuse the love heart, particularly in typing text to strangers. This may be considered “Textual Harassment.”
9. My use on bumper stickers is strictly forbidden. I am not running for office, and cars are dirty. I am the Smiley.
10. Never place me on a coffee mug. Everyone knows you are not smiling before your first cup in the morning, and I will not be a party to your lie. I am the Smiley. Thou shalt respect my image.
Have a nice day! 😀
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